érxí: 儿媳 - Daughter-in-law

• Keywords: érxí, 儿媳, daughter-in-law in Chinese, Chinese daughter-in-law, son's wife in Chinese, póxí guānxi, 婆媳关系, Chinese family terms, Chinese family relationships, filial piety, xiaoshun, 孝顺
• Summary: Learn the meaning of 儿媳 (érxí), the Chinese word for “daughter-in-law”. This guide goes beyond a simple translation, exploring the term's deep cultural significance in Chinese family relationships. Understand the traditional expectations, the pivotal role of filial piety (孝顺, xiàoshùn), and the notoriously complex mother-in-law relationship (婆媳关系, póxí guānxi) associated with being an érxí in China.

• Pinyin (with tone marks): érxí
• Part of Speech: Noun
• HSK Level: HSK 5
• Concise Definition: The wife of one's son; a daughter-in-law.
• In a Nutshell: 儿媳 (érxí) is the formal and specific term for one's daughter-in-law. While it translates directly, the word carries significant cultural weight. It signifies not just a new family member, but a specific role with historical expectations of duty, respect, and care towards the husband's parents. It is a cornerstone term in understanding the traditional Chinese family structure.

• 儿 (ér): This character means “son” or “child.” It originates from a pictogram of a baby with a large head and an open fontanelle, typical of infants.
• 媳 (xí): This character means “daughter-in-law” or “wife.” It is composed of two parts: the radical 女 (nǚ) on the left, which means “woman” or “female,” indicating the term refers to a woman. The right side, 息 (xī), originally meaning “breath” or “to rest,” primarily serves as the phonetic component here.
• The characters combine literally and logically: the “wife” (媳) of one's “son” (儿).

In Chinese culture, the role of the 儿媳 (érxí) is traditionally more profound and structured than the Western concept of a “daughter-in-law.” Historically, in a patrilineal society, a woman would marry into her husband's family. Her primary identity shifted to being part of his lineage. As the 儿媳, her key responsibilities included: # Showing Filial Piety (孝顺, xiàoshùn): This meant serving and respecting her parents-in-law, often with more deference than she might show her own parents. # Continuing the Family Line: Producing a male heir was traditionally her most crucial duty. # Managing the Household: She was expected to take over household chores under the supervision of her mother-in-law. This dynamic creates the famous and often-dramatized 婆媳关系 (póxí guānxi), the relationship between the mother-in-law (婆婆, pópo) and the daughter-in-law (儿媳). For centuries, this has been the central, and frequently most challenging, relationship within a multi-generational household. Comparison with Western Culture: In most Western cultures, a “daughter-in-law” is simply a descriptive term for a son's wife. While in-law relationships exist, there is no ingrained cultural script of “joining” the husband's family in the same way. The focus is on the new nuclear couple forming their own independent unit. For the Chinese 儿媳, the expectation was traditionally to integrate into and serve an existing family hierarchy.

While the most rigid traditional expectations have softened, the term 儿媳 (érxí) and its associated concepts remain relevant.

• Referring to a Daughter-in-law: Parents-in-law will use this term to introduce or refer to their son's wife. For example, a mother might say, “我儿媳是老师” (Wǒ érxí shì lǎoshī - My daughter-in-law is a teacher).
• Formality: It is a standard, neutral-to-formal term. In very close and modern families, a mother-in-law might simply use her daughter-in-law's given name. Using 儿媳 can sometimes create a slight sense of formal distance compared to using a personal name.
• Modern Connotations: Today, the concept of being a “good 儿媳” is a frequent topic of discussion and debate. Many urban, educated women push back against traditional expectations of subservience. The tensions of the modern 儿媳—balancing a career, her own parents, and her in-laws—are a staple theme in Chinese television dramas.

• Example 1:
  • 我来介绍一下，这是我的儿媳。
  • Pinyin: Wǒ lái jièshào yīxià, zhè shì wǒ de érxí.
  • English: Let me introduce you, this is my daughter-in-law.
  • Analysis: A standard, polite introduction used by a parent-in-law.
• Example 2:
  • 我儿媳特别孝顺，对我比亲闺女还好。
  • Pinyin: Wǒ érxí tèbié xiàoshùn, duì wǒ bǐ qīn guīnü hái hǎo.
  • English: My daughter-in-law is exceptionally filial; she treats me even better than my own daughter.
  • Analysis: This is high praise from a mother-in-law, highlighting the valued trait of 孝顺 (xiàoshùn).
• Example 3:
  • 作为儿媳，她觉得压力很大。
  • Pinyin: Zuòwéi érxí, tā juéde yālì hěn dà.
  • English: As a daughter-in-law, she feels a lot of pressure.
  • Analysis: This sentence reflects the social and familial expectations that come with the role.
• Example 4:
  • 他们家的婆媳关系很紧张，儿媳和婆婆经常吵架。
  • Pinyin: Tāmen jiā de póxí guānxi hěn jǐnzhāng, érxí hé pópo jīngcháng chǎojià.
  • English: The mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship in their family is very tense; the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law often argue.
  • Analysis: This example directly uses the key cultural concept of 婆媳关系 (póxí guānxi).
• Example 5:
  • 王阿姨总是跟邻居们炫耀她的儿媳有多能干。
  • Pinyin: Wáng āyí zǒngshì gēn línjūmen xuànyào tā de érxí yǒu duō nénggàn.
  • English: Auntie Wang is always showing off to the neighbors about how capable her daughter-in-law is.
  • Analysis: Shows how a daughter-in-law's qualities can bring “face” (面子, miànzi) to the family.
• Example 6:
  • 我儿子和儿媳下个月就要搬出去住了。
  • Pinyin: Wǒ érzi hé érxí xià gè yuè jiù yào bān chūqù zhù le.
  • English: My son and daughter-in-law are moving out next month.
  • Analysis: This reflects a modern trend where young couples live separately from the husband's parents, changing the traditional dynamic.
• Example 7:
  • 按照传统，儿媳应该在家里做饭。
  • Pinyin: Ànzhào chuántǒng, érxí yīnggāi zài jiālǐ zuòfàn.
  • English: According to tradition, the daughter-in-law should cook at home.
  • Analysis: This sentence describes a traditional expectation, which may or may not be followed today.
• Example 8:
  • 他妈妈终于接受了这个外国儿媳。
  • Pinyin: Tā māma zhōngyú jiēshòu le zhège wàiguó érxí.
  • English: His mother finally accepted this foreign daughter-in-law.
  • Analysis: Highlights the potential challenges when a daughter-in-law comes from a different cultural background.
• Example 9:
  • 每个周末，我的儿媳都会带孙子回来看我们。
  • Pinyin: Měi ge zhōumò, wǒ de érxí dōu huì dài sūnzi huílái kàn wǒmen.
  • English: Every weekend, my daughter-in-law brings my grandson back to visit us.
  • Analysis: Illustrates a common and positive modern family interaction.
• Example 10:
  • 找一个好儿媳比找一个好儿子还重要。
  • Pinyin: Zhǎo yī ge hǎo érxí bǐ zhǎo yī ge hǎo érzi hái zhòngyào.
  • English: Finding a good daughter-in-law is even more important than finding a good son.
  • Analysis: A common saying that emphasizes the crucial role of the 儿媳 in maintaining family harmony.

The most significant point of confusion for learners is the difference between 儿媳 (érxí) and 媳妇 (xífu).

• 儿媳 (érxí): Exclusively means “daughter-in-law”. It is unambiguous and used from the perspective of the parents-in-law.
• 媳妇 (xífu): This word has a dual meaning.

1. Wife: In many parts of China (especially the north), this is the most common and colloquial way for a man to refer to his own wife. (e.g., “我媳妇” - my wife).

  2.  **Daughter-in-law:** It can also be used to mean daughter-in-law, similar to **儿媳**. It is often seen as slightly more colloquial or affectionate than **儿媳**.

Common Mistake: A man referring to his own wife as his 儿媳 (érxí).

• Incorrect: 这是我的儿媳。 (Zhè shì wǒ de érxí.)
• Why it's wrong: This literally means “This is my daughter-in-law.” It sounds like you are an old man introducing your son's wife, not your own.
• Correct (Formal): 这是我的妻子 (qīzi).
• Correct (Informal): 这是我的老婆 (lǎopó) / 这是我的媳妇 (xífu).

• 婆婆 (pópo) - Mother-in-law (husband's mother). The other key person in the 婆媳关系.
• 公公 (gōnggong) - Father-in-law (husband's father).
• 女婿 (nǚxu) - Son-in-law (daughter's husband). The male counterpart to 儿媳.
• 媳妇 (xífu) - A related term that can mean either “wife” or “daughter-in-law,” creating potential confusion. 儿媳 is more specific.
• 儿媳妇 (érxífu) - A more colloquial and slightly longer version of 儿媳, with the same meaning.
• 婆媳关系 (póxí guānxi) - The culturally significant and often complex relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
• 孝顺 (xiàoshùn) - Filial piety. The virtue of respecting and caring for one's elders, a key traditional expectation for an 儿媳.
• 岳母 (yuèmǔ) - Mother-in-law (wife's mother).
• 岳父 (yuèfù) - Father-in-law (wife's father).
• 亲家 (qìngjia) - A term for the relationship between the two sets of parents of a married couple; parents-in-law of one's child.