提亲

tíqīn: 提亲 - To formally propose marriage

Quick Summary

  • Keywords: tíqīn, ti qin, 提亲, propose marriage in Chinese, Chinese marriage proposal, formal proposal, asking for hand in marriage, Chinese wedding traditions, what is tiqin, bride price, family proposal
  • Summary: In Chinese culture, 提亲 (tíqīn) is the traditional and formal act of a prospective groom's family visiting the prospective bride's family to officially propose marriage. Unlike a private, romantic proposal between the couple, tíqīn is a significant family-to-family event that signals respect, sincerity, and the beginning of formal discussions about the union, including wedding plans and the bride price (彩礼). It represents the merging of two families, not just the marriage of two individuals.

Core Meaning

  • Pinyin (with tone marks): tíqīn
  • Part of Speech: Verb-object phrase (functions as a verb)
  • HSK Level: N/A
  • Concise Definition: To formally ask for a woman's hand in marriage on behalf of one's son.
  • In a Nutshell: Forget the surprise, “get-down-on-one-knee” moment. 提亲 (tíqīn) is the serious, formal meeting where the groom's parents (often with the groom) go to the bride's parents' home to officially ask for their daughter's hand and gain their blessing. It's a crucial step that shows respect for the elders and acknowledges that a marriage is a union of two families.

Character Breakdown

  • 提 (tí): This character means “to lift,” “to carry,” or, more relevantly here, “to bring up” or “to raise (a topic).” It implies formally initiating a subject for discussion.
  • 亲 (qīn): This character relates to “relatives,” “parents,” or “intimacy.” In this context, it refers to the matter of becoming relatives through marriage (a kinship).
  • Together, 提亲 (tíqīn) literally translates to “to bring up the matter of becoming relatives.” This perfectly captures the essence of the action: formally initiating the process of joining two families through marriage.

Cultural Context and Significance

  • Family-Centric Union: At its core, 提亲 (tíqīn) reflects the deeply collectivist nature of Chinese society. Traditionally, a marriage was not just about two people falling in love; it was a strategic and social alliance between two families. A successful `提亲` signified that both families approved of the match and were ready to merge their resources, reputations, and futures. This act solidifies the idea that the couple has the full support and blessing of their elders, a cornerstone of filial piety (孝, xiào).
  • Comparison to Western Proposals: This concept contrasts sharply with the modern Western idea of a marriage proposal, which is typically a private, romantic surprise between the two partners. In the West, asking the bride's father for permission is now often seen as a respectful but optional gesture, usually done *after* the couple has already decided to marry. In the Chinese context, 提亲 (tíqīn) *is* the official, necessary proposal. It is a public (family-level) declaration of intent, not a private secret.
  • Related Values: The act is tied to the concept of 门当户对 (méndānghùduì), the idea that the bride and groom should come from families of similar social and economic standing. The `提亲` meeting is the first formal step where families can assess each other and begin the delicate negotiations that ensure a harmonious and balanced union.

Practical Usage in Modern China

  • While the ancient, highly ritualized forms of `提亲` involving a matchmaker (媒人, méirén) are rare today, the tradition's spirit remains very much alive.
  • Modern Process: In most cases, the couple decides to get married on their own first. The `提亲` then evolves into a formal meeting planned by the couple. The groom, accompanied by his parents, will schedule a visit to the bride's family home. They will bring expensive gifts (such as high-quality tea, liquor, fruits, and pastries) as a sign of respect and sincerity.
  • Key Discussion Points: This meeting is no longer about asking for permission out of the blue. Instead, it's the official venue for discussing the practicalities of the marriage. Key topics include:
    • The 彩礼 (cǎilǐ), or bride price: A significant sum of money or property given by the groom's family to the bride's family.
    • The wedding date and plans.
    • The living arrangements for the new couple.
    • A general affirmation of blessing from both sets of parents.
  • Formality: Despite the modernization, `提亲` remains a highly formal and significant event. It is a serious occasion that sets the tone for the relationship between the two families (now becoming 亲家, qìngjia).

Example Sentences

  • Example 1:
    • 我男朋友下个月要来我家提亲。
    • Pinyin: Wǒ nánpéngyǒu xià ge yuè yào lái wǒ jiā tíqīn.
    • English: My boyfriend is coming to my home next month to formally propose marriage.
    • Analysis: This is a common and straightforward use of the term. It refers to the planned, formal visit by the boyfriend (and likely his family) to the girlfriend's family home.
  • Example 2:
    • 他们两家正在商量提亲的日子。
    • Pinyin: Tāmen liǎng jiā zhèngzài shāngliang tíqīn de rìzi.
    • English: Their two families are currently discussing a date for the formal marriage proposal.
    • Analysis: This highlights that `提亲` is a scheduled event, not a surprise. The timing itself is a matter for negotiation between the families.
  • Example 3:
    • 按照传统，男方去提亲的时候要带上厚礼。
    • Pinyin: Ànzhào chuántǒng, nánfāng qù tíqīn de shíhou yào dài shàng hòulǐ.
    • English: According to tradition, the man's side must bring generous gifts when they go to propose marriage.
    • Analysis: This sentence emphasizes the cultural expectation of bringing gifts (厚礼, hòulǐ - literally “thick gifts”) as a sign of sincerity and financial stability.
  • Example 4:
    • 他父母对他女朋友很满意，很快就去女方家提亲了。
    • Pinyin: Tā fùmǔ duì tā nǚpéngyǒu hěn mǎnyì, hěn kuài jiù qù nǚfāng jiā tíqīn le.
    • English: His parents were very satisfied with his girlfriend, so they quickly went to the woman's family home to formally propose.
    • Analysis: This shows the direct link between parental approval and the act of `提亲`. The parents are the key actors here.
  • Example 5:
    • 他向我求婚后，下一步就是安排双方父母见面，正式提亲。
    • Pinyin: Tā xiàng wǒ qiúhūn hòu, xià yí bù jiùshì ānpái shuāngfāng fùmǔ jiànmiàn, zhèngshì tíqīn.
    • English: After he proposed to me (romantically), the next step is to arrange for our parents to meet for the formal proposal.
    • Analysis: This is a perfect example of the modern, two-step process. First, the private proposal (`求婚`), then the formal family proposal (`提亲`).
  • Example 6:
    • 王家去李家提亲，过程很顺利，彩礼问题也谈妥了。
    • Pinyin: Wáng jiā qù Lǐ jiā tíqīn, guòchéng hěn shùnlì, cǎilǐ wèntí yě tán tuǒ le.
    • English: The Wang family went to the Li family's home to propose; the process went smoothly, and the bride price issue was also settled.
    • Analysis: This illustrates the practical purpose of a modern `提亲`: to finalize key agreements like the bride price (彩礼).
  • Example 7:
    • 你都三十岁了，打算什么时候去你女朋友家提亲啊？
    • Pinyin: Nǐ dōu sānshí suì le, dǎsuàn shénme shíhou qù nǐ nǚpéngyǒu jiā tíqīn a?
    • English: You're already 30, when do you plan on going to your girlfriend's house to formally propose?
    • Analysis: A common question from concerned parents or relatives, highlighting the social expectation to formalize a long-term relationship.
  • Example 8:
    • 如果女方父母不同意，提亲就算失败了。
    • Pinyin: Rúguǒ nǚfāng fùmǔ bù tóngyì, tíqīn jiù suàn shībài le.
    • English: If the woman's parents don't agree, the marriage proposal is considered a failure.
    • Analysis: This underscores the ultimate power of the bride's parents in this tradition. Their approval is the entire point of the event.
  • Example 9:
    • 在古代，提亲必须由媒人出面，而不是男方家庭自己去。
    • Pinyin: Zài gǔdài, tíqīn bìxū yóu méirén chūmiàn, ér búshì nánfāng jiātíng zìjǐ qù.
    • English: In ancient times, the marriage proposal had to be conducted by a matchmaker, rather than by the groom's family themselves.
    • Analysis: This provides historical context, showing how the practice has evolved over time.
  • Example 10:
    • 第一次去提亲，他紧张得手心直冒汗。
    • Pinyin: Dì yī cì qù tíqīn, tā jǐnzhāng de shǒuxīn zhí mào hàn.
    • English: Going to formally propose for the first time, he was so nervous that his palms were sweating.
    • Analysis: This captures the personal feeling and high stakes associated with this formal meeting, even for the groom.

Nuances and Common Mistakes

  • 提亲 (tíqīn) vs. 求婚 (qiúhūn): This is the most critical distinction for a learner. These are NOT interchangeable.
    • 提亲 (tíqīn): The formal, family-to-family proposal. It involves parents, gifts, and serious discussion. It is about respect, tradition, and family union.
    • 求婚 (qiúhūn): The romantic, Western-style proposal. This is when one partner asks the other to marry them, often in a private or surprising way (e.g., with a ring, on one knee). It is about the couple's personal commitment.
  • Common Mistake Example:
    • Incorrect: 他在餐厅里单膝跪地，向女朋友提亲。 (Tā zài cāntīng lǐ dān xī guì dì, xiàng nǚpéngyǒu tíqīn.)
    • Why it's wrong: `提亲` is a process involving families, not a spontaneous, romantic gesture. Kneeling in a restaurant is the very definition of `求婚`.
    • Correct: 他在餐厅里单膝跪地，向女朋友求婚。 (Tā zài cāntīng lǐ dān xī guì dì, xiàng nǚpéngyǒu qiúhūn.)

Related Terms and Concepts

  • 求婚 (qiúhūn) - The romantic, couple-centric act of proposing, as opposed to the family-centric `提亲`.
  • 彩礼 (cǎilǐ) - The “bride price”; a gift of money or property from the groom's family to the bride's, a central topic of discussion during `提亲`.
  • 嫁妆 (jiàzhuāng) - The dowry; property and money that a bride brings to her marriage, often from her own family.
  • 订婚 (dìnghūn) - Engagement; the formal agreement to marry, which is the outcome of a successful `提亲`.
  • 亲家 (qìngjia) - A term used by the parents of a married couple to refer to each other (e.g., “my son's wife's parents”). The goal of `提亲` is to establish this relationship.
  • 媒人 (méirén) - A matchmaker; traditionally, the third-party intermediary who would arrange and facilitate the `提亲`.
  • 门当户对 (méndānghùduì) - An idiom meaning that the families of the bride and groom are of equal social and economic status. A key consideration for a successful traditional marriage.
  • 相亲 (xiāngqīn) - A blind date or arranged meeting, often set up by parents or friends, which is a common precursor to a relationship that may eventually lead to `提亲`.