xiǎosān: 小三 - The Other Woman, Mistress

• Keywords: xiaosan, xiao san, 小三, what does xiaosan mean, Chinese mistress, the other woman in Chinese, Chinese slang, homewrecker, third party in a relationship, Chinese infidelity, Chinese culture
• Summary: “小三 (xiǎosān)” is a popular and highly derogatory Chinese slang term for “the other woman” or a mistress in an extramarital affair. Literally meaning “little three,” it refers to the third person who intrudes upon a two-person relationship. This entry breaks down the meaning, cultural significance, and modern usage of 小三, providing a deep dive into a term that is essential for understanding modern Chinese social commentary, gossip, and media.

• Pinyin (with tone marks): xiǎosān
• Part of Speech: Noun (slang)
• HSK Level: N/A
• Concise Definition: A derogatory slang term for a mistress or the “other woman” in an extramarital affair.
• In a Nutshell: “小三” literally translates to “little three.” It's a pejorative label for the third person who becomes involved with someone already in a committed relationship, effectively “homewrecking.” The term is informal, judgmental, and incredibly common in modern Chinese gossip, TV dramas, and social media discussions about infidelity. It almost exclusively refers to a woman.

• 小 (xiǎo): Means “small,” “little,” or “young.” In this context, it carries a belittling and diminutive connotation, implying the person is of lesser status than the original partner.
• 三 (sān): Means “three.” It directly points to the person's status as the third party in the relationship.

When combined, 小三 (xiǎosān) creates the label “little third one,” a powerfully concise and contemptuous term for a person, usually a woman, who is having an affair with a married or committed man.

The term “小三” exploded in popularity in the early 2000s, coinciding with China's rapid economic growth. As new wealth created new social dynamics, stories of powerful men keeping mistresses became a frequent topic in media and public discourse. The term became a tool for public shaming, encapsulating societal disapproval of infidelity. Unlike the English word “mistress,” which can sometimes sound archaic or even carry a veneer of glamour, “小三” is modern, raw, and almost exclusively negative. It's less about a long-term, semi-official arrangement (as “mistress” can sometimes imply) and more of a label of public condemnation. While in the West, the focus of blame for an affair might be split or fall heavily on the cheating spouse, in Chinese public opinion, the “小三” often bears a disproportionate amount of social scorn. This is tied to the cultural importance of marital stability and the concept of 面子 (miànzi), or “face,” as infidelity brings immense shame and loss of face to the entire family, especially the legal wife (原配 yuánpèi).

“小三” is a term you'll hear constantly in informal settings. It's a cornerstone of modern slang.

• Gossip and Social Commentary: Friends use it to gossip about acquaintances or celebrities. Social media platforms like Weibo are filled with discussions and stories about “小三.”
• Media and Television: Chinese TV shows, especially melodramas known as 狗血剧 (gǒuxuèjù), frequently feature “小三” plotlines. They are a staple of dramatic conflict.
• A Negative Label: It is almost always used to condemn. Calling someone a “小三” is a serious and insulting accusation.
• A New Profession: The “小三 problem” has become so prominent that it has spawned a unique cottage industry: “小三劝退师” (xiǎosān quàntuì shī), or “mistress persuaders.” These are professionals hired by spouses to strategically and discreetly convince the mistress to end the affair.

• Example 1:
  • 那个女人是老板的小三。
  • Pinyin: Nàge nǚrén shì lǎobǎn de xiǎosān.
  • English: That woman is the boss's mistress.
  • Analysis: A straightforward, factual statement, but using “小三” instead of a more neutral term makes it sound gossipy and judgmental.
• Example 2:
  • 我最好的朋友发现她老公在外面有小三。
  • Pinyin: Wǒ zuì hǎo de péngyǒu fāxiàn tā lǎogōng zài wàimiàn yǒu xiǎosān.
  • English: My best friend discovered her husband has a “little three” on the side.
  • Analysis: 在外面有 (zài wàimiàn yǒu), literally “has outside,” is a common colloquial way to say someone is having an affair.
• Example 3:
  • 她发誓她永远不会去当别人的小三。
  • Pinyin: Tā fāshì tā yǒngyuǎn bú huì qù dāng biérén de xiǎosān.
  • English: She swore she would never be someone else's mistress.
  • Analysis: The verb 当 (dāng), meaning “to be” or “to act as,” is frequently used with roles or labels like “小三.”
• Example 4:
  • 这部电视剧的剧情太狗血了，又是关于原配斗小三。
  • Pinyin: Zhè bù diànshìjù de jùqíng tài gǒuxuè le, yòu shì guānyú yuánpèi dòu xiǎosān.
  • English: The plot of this TV drama is so cliché; it's about the original wife fighting the mistress again.
  • Analysis: This sentence links “小三” with two other key slang terms: 狗血 (gǒuxuè - overly dramatic) and 原配 (yuánpèi - the original wife). 斗 (dòu) means “to fight,” a common theme.
• Example 5:
  • 网上很多人都在骂那个女明星是小三。
  • Pinyin: Wǎngshàng hěn duō rén dōu zài mà nàge nǚ míngxīng shì xiǎosān.
  • English: A lot of people online are cursing that female celebrity for being a homewrecker.
  • Analysis: This shows how “小三” is used in the context of cyber-shaming and public opinion. 骂 (mà) means “to scold” or “to curse.”
• Example 6:
  • 你难道想让我们的孩子知道他爸爸有个小三吗？
  • Pinyin: Nǐ nándào xiǎng ràng wǒmen de háizi zhīdào tā bàba yǒu ge xiǎosān ma?
  • English: Do you really want our child to know that his father has a mistress?
  • Analysis: A rhetorical question used in a confrontation, highlighting the shame and family impact associated with the concept.
• Example 7:
  • 他为了那个小三，居然要和结婚十年的妻子离婚。
  • Pinyin: Tā wèile nàge xiǎosān, jūrán yào hé jiéhūn shí nián de qīzi líhūn.
  • English: For that mistress, he actually wants to divorce the wife he's been married to for ten years.
  • Analysis: The word 居然 (jūrán) expresses shock and disbelief, a common reaction in stories involving a “小三.”
• Example 8:
  • 社会舆论通常对小三非常不友好。
  • Pinyin: Shèhuì yúlùn tōngcháng duì xiǎosān fēicháng bù yǒuhǎo.
  • English: Public opinion is usually very unfriendly towards the “other woman.”
  • Analysis: A more formal sentence discussing the social phenomenon. 对…不友好 (duì…bù yǒuhǎo) means “is not friendly towards…”
• Example 9:
  • 有些人认为，指责小三的同时，也应该谴责出轨的男人。
  • Pinyin: Yǒuxiē rén rènwéi, zhǐzé xiǎosān de tóngshí, yě yīnggāi qiǎnzé chūguǐ de nánrén.
  • English: Some people believe that while criticizing the mistress, one should also condemn the man who cheated.
  • Analysis: This sentence shows a more nuanced perspective, acknowledging the role of the cheating partner. 出轨 (chūguǐ) is the verb “to cheat.”
• Example 10:
  • 她花钱雇了“小三劝退师”，希望能挽救她的婚姻。
  • Pinyin: Tā huā qián gù le “xiǎosān quàntuì shī”, xīwàng néng wǎnjiù tā de hūnyīn.
  • English: She spent money to hire a “mistress persuader,” hoping to save her marriage.
  • Analysis: This introduces the modern, unique profession of “小三劝退师” (xiǎosān quàntuì shī), a direct cultural product of the “小三” phenomenon.

• Don't use it formally: “小三” is slang. In a formal discussion or legal context, you would use a more neutral term like 第三者 (dì sān zhě), meaning “the third party,” or describe the situation with 婚外情 (hūnwàiqíng), “extramarital affair.”
• It's not just any “third person”: A beginner might see “三” (three) and think it can refer to any third person in a group. This is incorrect. If you're talking about three friends, you would not use “小三.” It is exclusively for the context of infidelity.
• Gender Specificity: “小三” almost always refers to a woman. While a man in the same role can be called a “男小三” (nán xiǎosān) or the less common slang “小王” (xiǎo wáng), the default assumption for “小三” is female.

• 出轨 (chūguǐ) - Literally “to go off the rails.” The verb for having an affair or cheating on a partner.
• 原配 (yuánpèi) - The original spouse, specifically the legal wife. The direct counterpart and “victim” of the 小三.
• 渣男 (zhānán) - “Scumbag.” A popular slang term often used to describe the cheating man in a 小三 situation.
• 第三者 (dì sān zhě) - “The third party.” The formal and neutral equivalent of 小三. It can refer to a man or a woman.
• 婚外情 (hūnwàiqíng) - “Extramarital affair.” The formal, descriptive noun for the situation itself.
• 包养 (bāoyǎng) - To keep a lover with financial support. This term focuses on the economic aspect of the affair.
• 狗血 (gǒuxuè) - “Dog blood.” Slang for overly dramatic, cliché, and melodramatic plots, which very often involve a 小三.
• 正宫 (zhènggōng) - “Main palace.” Originally the term for the official Empress, now used colloquially online to refer to the wife, contrasting her with the “concubine” status of the 小三.