fū chàng fù suí: 夫唱妇随 - The Husband Sings, the Wife Follows; Harmonious Marriage

• Keywords: 夫唱妇随, fu chang fu sui, Chinese idiom for marriage, harmonious marriage, traditional Chinese marriage, husband leads wife follows, Chinese gender roles, wifely obedience, couple harmony, Chinese proverbs, Confucian values.
• Summary: Discover the meaning of the Chinese idiom 夫唱妇随 (fū chàng fù suí), which literally translates to “the husband sings, the wife follows.” This page explores its roots in traditional Confucian values, its use in describing a harmonious marriage where the wife supports the husband's lead, and how its connotation has evolved in modern China, ranging from a compliment for a well-matched couple to a critique of outdated gender roles.

• Pinyin (with tone marks): fū chàng fù suí
• Part of Speech: Chengyu (成语) / Idiom
• HSK Level: N/A (Advanced)
• Concise Definition: The husband takes the lead, and the wife follows in harmony.
• In a Nutshell: Imagine a perfect musical duet. One person starts the melody (the husband “sings”), and the other person's part follows along, complementing the first and creating a beautiful, harmonious sound. This is the core feeling of `夫唱妇随`. It describes a traditional marital dynamic where a couple works together seamlessly, with the husband setting the direction and the wife providing supportive accompaniment. The ultimate goal is family harmony and stability.

• 夫 (fū): Husband; man. This character originally depicted a man with a hairpin, signifying adulthood and the right to take a wife.
• 唱 (chàng): To sing; to lead (in singing). It combines the “mouth” radical (口) with “prosperous” (昌), suggesting a prominent, leading voice.
• 妇 (fù): Wife; married woman. This character depicts a woman (女) holding a broom (帚), representing her traditional role in managing the household.
• 随 (suí): To follow; to comply with; to go along with. The character shows someone following a path, indicating agreement and accompaniment.

Together, these characters create the vivid, literal image: “The husband sings, and the wife follows along.”

• `夫唱妇随` is a cornerstone idiom reflecting traditional Confucian social order. It's the idealized outcome of the principle of `男主外, 女主内` (nán zhǔ wài, nǚ zhǔ nèi) - “the man manages external affairs, the woman manages internal affairs.” In this structure, harmony was achieved through clearly defined roles, with the husband as the public-facing head of the household and the wife as the supportive domestic manager.
• Comparison with Western Concepts: A Westerner might equate `夫唱妇随` to “being in sync” or “a supportive spouse.” However, there's a crucial difference in hierarchy. The Western ideal of a “partnership of equals” implies that leadership might shift or be shared. In contrast, `夫唱妇随` has a traditionally fixed direction of influence: the husband leads, and the wife follows. It is the opposite of the English idiom “the wife wears the pants in the family.” While the goal is harmony, it's a harmony born from a structured, hierarchical relationship rather than one of fluid equality.

The meaning of `夫唱妇随` in modern China is highly contextual and depends on the speaker's age, beliefs, and tone.

• Positive / Nostalgic Connotation:
  • Often used by older generations or in more traditional circles to compliment a couple. It describes them as well-matched, harmonious, and having a stable, loving relationship.
  • Example: Describing grandparents who have been happily married for 60 years.
• Neutral / Descriptive Connotation:
  • Can be used to simply describe a situation where one partner makes a major decision (e.g., relocating for a job) and the other partner willingly supports and follows them. Here, it's more of an observation of the dynamic than a judgment.
• Negative / Ironic Connotation:
  • Among younger, more progressive Chinese, this term can be used critically or sarcastically. It can imply that a wife is overly submissive, lacks her own opinion, or is stuck in an old-fashioned, patriarchal relationship.
  • Using this term to describe a modern, independent woman's relationship could be taken as an insult.

• Example 1 (Positive / Traditional Compliment):
  • 他们夫妻俩几十年了，一直是夫唱妇随，感情特别好。
  • Pinyin: Tāmen fūqī liǎ jǐ shí nián le, yīzhí shì fū chàng fù suí, gǎnqíng tèbié hǎo.
  • English: That couple has been together for decades, always a perfect example of the husband leading and the wife following. Their relationship is exceptionally good.
  • Analysis: This is a classic, positive usage, praising the longevity and harmony of a traditional marriage.
• Example 2 (Neutral / Descriptive):
  • 他决定去国外发展，他太太也辞了工作，真是夫唱妇随。
  • Pinyin: Tā juédìng qù guówài fāzhǎn, tā tàitai yě cíle gōngzuò, zhēnshi fū chàng fù suí.
  • English: He decided to develop his career abroad, and his wife also resigned from her job. It's a real case of the wife following the husband's lead.
  • Analysis: This sentence describes an action without passing strong judgment. It simply notes the supportive dynamic in a major life decision.
• Example 3 (Slightly Negative / Critical):
  • 她什么都听她老公的，一点主见都没有，典型的夫唱妇随。
  • Pinyin: Tā shénme dōu tīng tā lǎogōng de, yīdiǎn zhǔjiàn dōu méiyǒu, diǎnxíng de fū chàng fù suí.
  • English: She listens to her husband for everything and has no opinion of her own, a classic case of “the wife follows the husband.”
  • Analysis: The tone here is critical, framing the `夫唱妇随` dynamic as a lack of independence.
• Example 4 (Modern Family Life):
  • 为了孩子的教育，他们家买房、搬家都是夫唱妇随，爸爸决定，妈妈执行。
  • Pinyin: Wèile háizi de jiàoyù, tāmen jiā mǎifáng, bānjiā dōu shì fū chàng fù suí, bàba juédìng, māmā zhíxíng.
  • English: For the sake of their child's education, buying a house and moving were all done in a “husband leads, wife follows” manner in their family; the dad decided, and the mom executed the plan.
  • Analysis: This shows the idiom applied to specific family decisions, describing a clear division of roles.
• Example 5 (Humorous Self-Description):
  • 我老婆问我周末去哪儿玩，我说：“当然是夫唱妇随，你定就行了！”
  • Pinyin: Wǒ lǎopó wèn wǒ zhōumò qù nǎr wán, wǒ shuō: “Dāngrán shì fū chàng fù suí, nǐ dìng jiù xíng le!”
  • English: My wife asked me where I wanted to go this weekend, and I said: “Of course, the husband follows the wife's lead—you decide!”
  • Analysis: This is a humorous, modern twist. The husband is playfully flipping the idiom to mean he will follow his wife's lead, showing affection and a less rigid attitude. Note the speaker technically misuses the idiom for comedic effect, as the correct term would be `妇唱夫随`.
• Example 6 (Historical Context):
  • 在古代，夫唱妇随被认为是理想的婚姻模式。
  • Pinyin: Zài gǔdài, fū chàng fù suí bèi rènwéi shì lǐxiǎng de hūnyīn móshì.
  • English: In ancient times, “the husband leads, the wife follows” was considered the ideal model for marriage.
  • Analysis: A straightforward sentence used in a historical or academic context to explain past social norms.
• Example 7 (Business Partnership):
  • 在他们的公司里，他负责战略方向，她负责日常运营，可以说是商界里的夫唱妇随。
  • Pinyin: Zài tāmen de gōngsī lǐ, tā fùzé zhànlüè fāngxiàng, tā fùzé rìcháng yùnyíng, kěyǐ shuō shì shāngjiè lǐ de fū chàng fù suí.
  • English: In their company, he is responsible for strategic direction, and she is responsible for daily operations. You could say they are a business world example of “husband leads, wife follows.”
  • Analysis: This extends the idiom metaphorically to a business context, highlighting a functional partnership with clear roles.
• Example 8 (Expressing Disapproval):
  • 我不希望我的女儿将来在婚姻里只是夫唱妇随，她应该有自己的事业和想法。
  • Pinyin: Wǒ bù xīwàng wǒ de nǚ'ér jiānglái zài hūnyīn lǐ zhǐshì fū chàng fù suí, tā yīnggāi yǒu zìjǐ de shìyè hé xiǎngfǎ.
  • English: I don't want my daughter's future marriage to just be one where she follows her husband's lead; she should have her own career and ideas.
  • Analysis: This clearly shows the negative modern interpretation, contrasting `夫唱妇随` with female independence.
• Example 9 (Gentle Teasing between Friends):
  • 你看老王，自从结婚后，完全就是夫唱妇随，我们叫他出来喝酒他都不敢了。
  • Pinyin: Nǐ kàn Lǎo Wáng, zìcóng jiéhūn hòu, wánquán jiùshì fū chàng fù suí, wǒmen jiào tā chūlái hējiǔ tā dōu bù gǎn le.
  • English: Look at Old Wang, ever since he got married, he's a total case of “the husband follows the wife's lead”; he doesn't even dare to come out for a drink with us anymore.
  • Analysis: Another playful inversion, using the idiom (incorrectly but commonly) to tease a friend for “obeying” his wife. This is a very common informal usage.
• Example 10 (Literary/Formal Description):
  • 这对神仙眷侣，过着夫唱妇随、与世无争的生活。
  • Pinyin: Zhè duì shénxiān juànlǚ, guòzhe fū chàng fù suí, yǔ shì wú zhēng de shēnghuó.
  • English: This “divine couple” lives a harmonious life of “the husband leading and the wife following,” detached from worldly affairs.
  • Analysis: This uses the idiom in a more poetic and romanticized way, pairing it with another idiom, `神仙眷侣` (a god-like couple), to paint a picture of an idyllic, traditional life.

• Not Always a Compliment: The biggest mistake for a learner is assuming `夫唱妇随` is always positive. In a conversation with a young, educated woman, describing her relationship this way could be perceived as calling her submissive and old-fashioned. Context is everything.
• False Friends:
  • It is not “happily ever after.” `夫唱妇随` describes the dynamic or process of a relationship, not the end result.
  • It is not “a match made in heaven.” While a couple described as `夫唱妇随` might be a good match, this idiom specifically comments on their power dynamic and role distribution, not just their compatibility.
• Incorrect Usage:
  • “他们天天吵架，真是一对夫唱妇随的夫妻。” (Tāmen tiāntiān chǎojià, zhēnshi yī duì fū chàng fù suí de fūqī.)
  • Why it's wrong: This sentence means “They argue every day, they're truly a 'husband sings, wife follows' couple.” This is a direct contradiction. The core of `夫唱妇随` is harmony and agreement, not conflict.

• 男主外, 女主内 (nán zhǔ wài, nǚ zhǔ nèi) - “Man manages the outside, woman manages the inside.” The philosophical foundation for the roles described in `夫唱妇随`.
• 妇唱夫随 (fù chàng fū suí) - “The wife sings, the husband follows.” A modern, often humorous inversion of the original idiom, used to describe a relationship where the wife takes the lead.
• 相敬如宾 (xiāng jìng rú bīn) - To treat one's spouse with the respect one would show a guest. Describes mutual respect in a marriage, another traditional ideal.
• 举案齐眉 (jǔ àn qí méi) - “To lift the tray to eyebrow level.” A classical idiom symbolizing deep respect and love between a husband and wife.
• 琴瑟和鸣 (qín sè hé míng) - “The zithers play in perfect harmony.” A beautiful, poetic synonym for a harmonious marriage, focusing on compatibility rather than hierarchy.
• 三从四德 (sān cóng sì dé) - The “Three Obediences and Four Virtues.” The ancient Confucian code of behavior and moral character for women, which is the cultural source of the `夫唱妇随` ideal.
• 大男子主义 (dà nánzǐ zhǔyì) - Male chauvinism; machismo. This can be seen as the toxic or extreme version of the husband-led dynamic.
• 妻管严 (qī guǎn yán) - “Strictly managed by the wife.” A colloquial term for a henpecked husband; the practical outcome of a `妇唱夫随` dynamic.