In Chinese culture, maintaining harmonious relationships (关系 - guānxi) and showing respect (尊敬 - zūnjìng), especially to elders and superiors, is highly valued. This can create a fine line that is difficult for learners to navigate.
讨好 (tǎohǎo) exists on the negative side of that line. While showing respect is seen as a virtue, 讨好 is seen as a manipulative and undignified tactic. It's the difference between bringing your teacher a small, thoughtful gift out of genuine appreciation, and constantly showering them with expensive presents and over-the-top compliments right before grades are due.
Comparison with Western Culture: The closest English equivalent is “sucking up” or “brown-nosing.” The concept is almost identical. However, the cultural emphasis on hierarchy in China can sometimes make the distinction between polite deference and 讨好 seem blurrier to an outsider. An action that a Westerner might view as normal professional courtesy could be perceived as 讨好 if it's too overt, while an action a Chinese person considers standard respect might seem like sucking up to a Westerner. The key is the perceived sincerity and motive behind the action.
讨好 (tǎohǎo) is a very common word in daily life, and its connotation is almost always negative or, at best, cynical.
In the Workplace: This is the most classic context. It's used to describe colleagues who try to get ahead by flattering the boss rather than through hard work.
In Relationships: It can describe a person who seems to have no self-respect in a relationship, constantly trying to please their partner in a desperate or insecure way. It implies an unhealthy dynamic.
With Children or Pets (Milder Connotation): When used with children or animals, the negative feeling is much weaker. It can simply mean “to coax” or “to please.” Here, the motive is usually simple and harmless, like getting a child to stop crying or a cat to come closer.