jiànwài: 见外 - To act like a stranger; to be overly formal or polite

Keywords: jiànwài, 见外, jianwai meaning, what does jianwai mean, Chinese etiquette, Chinese politeness, Chinese culture, don't be a stranger in Chinese, acting formal Chinese, Chinese social norms, 自己人 (zìjǐrén), 客气 (kèqi), Chinese relationships

Summary: In Chinese culture, 见外 (jiànwài) describes the act of being overly formal or polite with someone who should be considered close, like a good friend or family member. It means treating an “insider” like an “outsider.” The phrase is often used as a gentle admonishment, like “别见外 (bié jiànwài),” to encourage someone to relax, feel at home, and not stand on ceremony. Understanding this term is crucial for building genuine relationships in China.

Pinyin (with tone marks): jiànwài

Part of Speech: Verb, Adjective

HSK Level: HSK 6 Equivalent (Advanced cultural term)

Concise Definition: To treat someone who should be close as an outsider by being excessively polite or formal.

In a Nutshell: Imagine your best friend comes to your house and keeps saying “Thank you so much for the water” and “Sorry to bother you.” You might say, “Hey, stop it, we're friends! Don't be so formal.” That feeling is exactly what 见外 (jiànwài) captures. It's the social awkwardness that arises when someone applies the rules of formal politeness to a relationship where intimacy and casualness are expected. It's a way of saying, “Your formality is creating a distance between us.”

见 (jiàn): The primary meaning is “to see,” “to meet,” or “to perceive.” In this context, it means to view or regard someone in a certain way.

外 (wài): This character means “outside,” “external,” or “foreign.” It refers to someone who is not part of the inner circle.

When combined, 见外 (jiànwài) literally means “to see [someone] as an outsider.” This literal translation perfectly captures the term's essence: you are viewing and treating a friend as if they were a stranger.

The concept of 见外 (jiànwài) is deeply rooted in the Chinese distinction between “insiders” (自己人, zìjǐrén - “one of our own people”) and “outsiders” (外人, wàirén). Different social rules apply to each group. With outsiders, one is expected to be polite, formal, and maintain a certain distance. With insiders, however, such formality is dropped in favor of warmth, directness, and mutual obligation.

Comparison to Western Culture: In many Western cultures, especially American culture, politeness (e.g., saying “please,” “thank you,” “excuse me”) is a universal sign of respect applied to everyone, including close family and friends. While it's still appreciated, its constant use among loved ones in China can feel strange. Continuously thanking a close