Keywords: báitóu xiélǎo, 白头偕老, Chinese wedding blessing, grow old together in Chinese, till death do us part in Chinese, Chinese marriage chengyu, Chinese idiom for lifelong love, enduring love, happy marriage wish.
Summary:白头偕老 (báitóu xiélǎo) is a classic Chinese four-character idiom (chengyu) that translates to “grow old together until your hair turns white.” It is one of the most common and heartfelt blessings given to newlyweds at a Chinese wedding, symbolizing the hope for a lifelong, happy, and enduring marriage. This phrase encapsulates the cultural ideal of a committed partnership that lasts a lifetime.
Core Meaning
Pinyin (with tone marks): báitóu xiélǎo
Part of Speech: Idiom (Chengyu, 成语)
HSK Level: N/A (Advanced/Chengyu)
Concise Definition: To live together in conjugal bliss until old age.
In a Nutshell: Imagine a couple, after decades of marriage, sitting together with heads full of white hair. This is the beautiful, poetic image that 白头偕老 (báitóu xiélǎo) paints. It's more than just a wish for a long life; it's a wish for a shared journey of love, companionship, and mutual support that lasts until the very end.
Character Breakdown
白 (bái): White. Refers to the color of hair in old age.
头 (tóu): Head. Combined with 白, 白头 (báitóu) literally means “white head,” a common metaphor for old age.
偕 (xié): Together, in company with. This is a more formal and literary character than words like 一起 (yìqǐ).
老 (lǎo): Old, to age, to grow old.
Together, the characters literally mean “White Head, Together Old.” The structure beautifully conveys the meaning: to stay together until the point that you both have white hair from old age.
Cultural Context and Significance
The Ideal of Lifelong Marriage: In traditional Chinese culture, marriage is seen as a profound, lifelong commitment not just between two individuals, but between two families. 白头偕老 (báitóu xiélǎo) is the ultimate expression of this ideal. It prioritizes endurance, stability, and partnership over the more fleeting aspects of romance. The goal is to build a life and family together that can withstand the tests of time.
Comparison to “Till Death Do Us Part”: The Western phrase “till death do us part” is a formal vow made by the couple themselves during a wedding ceremony. In contrast, 白头偕老 (báitóu xiélǎo) is most often used as a blessing or a wish bestowed upon the couple by family and friends. While the underlying meaning is similar, the Chinese expression is more visual and poetic, focusing on the beautiful image of growing old together rather than the legalistic finality of death. It's a wish for a happy journey, not just a contractual obligation.
Related Values: This idiom is deeply connected to Confucian values of family harmony, commitment, and perseverance. It reflects a view where the success of a marriage is measured by its longevity and the couple's ability to support each other through life's challenges.
Practical Usage in Modern China
At Weddings and Engagements: This is the primary context for 白头偕老. You will hear it constantly in wedding speeches, toasts, and written on greeting cards and red envelopes (红包 hóngbāo). It is almost always paired with other auspicious blessings.
For Anniversaries: It is a perfect phrase to congratulate a couple on a major wedding anniversary (e.g., their 40th or 50th), acknowledging that they have truly achieved this ideal.
In Media and Art: The phrase is frequently used in song lyrics, TV show titles, and movie dialogue to evoke a sense of timeless, epic romance.
Formality:白头偕老 is a formal, positive, and heartfelt blessing. It is not used in casual, everyday conversation unless you are sincerely congratulating someone on their marriage or long-term relationship.
English: Come, let's raise our glasses together and wish the newlyweds a long and happy life together!
Analysis: A classic line for a wedding toast.
Nuances and Common Mistakes
Don't Use It for New/Casual Relationships:白头偕老 carries the weight of a lifelong commitment. Wishing it upon a couple that just started dating would be awkward and overly formal. It is almost exclusively reserved for marriage or a similarly permanent partnership.
It's a Wish or an Outcome, Not a Process: For a young couple, you use it as a wish for the future (“我希望我们能白头偕老” - I hope we can…). For an old couple, you use it to describe their achieved reality (“他们真的白头偕老了” - They really did grow old together). It would be strange for a young person to say “我们正在白头偕老” (We are currently growing old together).
Not Just “Staying Together”: The phrase implies more than just not getting a divorce. It carries a strong connotation of happiness, mutual respect, and companionship throughout old age. A couple that stayed married but was miserable would not be described as having achieved 白头偕老.
Related Terms and Concepts
百年好合 (bǎinián hǎohé): “A harmonious union for a hundred years.” A classic wedding blessing, often used in the same breath as 白头偕老.
永结同心 (yǒng jié tóng xīn): “To be of one heart forever.” Emphasizes emotional and spiritual unity in a marriage.
天长地久 (tiān cháng dì jiǔ): “As eternal as heaven and earth.” Describes everlasting love, but can also be used for deep friendship or other lasting things.
执子之手，与子偕老 (zhí zǐ zhī shǒu, yǔ zǐ xié lǎo): “Holding your hand, and growing old with you.” A famous, beautiful line from the ancient Classic of Poetry (诗经) that is the literary root of the concept.
相濡以沫 (xiāng rú yǐ mò): “To support each other through difficult times.” It describes a couple that has endured hardship together and is a testament to their resilience.
举案齐眉 (jǔ àn qí méi): “Lifting the tray to eyebrow-level.” An idiom describing deep mutual respect between husband and wife.
婚姻 (hūnyīn): The general noun for “marriage.” 白头偕老 is the idealized goal of a 婚姻.
离婚 (líhūn): “To divorce.” The direct antonym of the outcome implied by 白头偕老.
早生贵子 (zǎo shēng guì zǐ): “Give birth to a precious son soon.” Another traditional wedding blessing focused on continuing the family line.